Has it really been 9 years...

I have thought of everything I have wanted to say about this topic for a few days now and I am still not sure...

Tomorrow will be 9 years since I lost my precious Tia. That day was by far the worst day of my life. I don't really want to retell her story and for those of you who don't know it and would like to you can visit Tia here. (Disclaimer: The grammar, punctuation, and everything else about this story is horrible. It was written by a distraught mother who had just lost her baby. Someone else built this website for me, for Tia, and I have no idea how to go in and change it now. I thought she would edit the story for me and correct things before she posted it. She didn't. But it's okay! One day...)

All that being said, I still have to live through tomorrow and bring life to the memory of my baby girl, gone but not forgotten. At least by me. Going back to that time in my life is already hard enough but trying to bring myself back to that particular day, is almost impossible. My emotions surrounding that day are spent and it's hard to work up the strength I need to truly feel that pain again. And I don't want to. So some years, Tia doesn't get the time I feel needs to be spent on remembering her properly.  Two years ago on June 3rd, I miscarried, last year I had a newborn. I didn't even get down Tia's memory box to go through her things. I haven't been to Tia's grave in months.

But if you want to know the truth, I am not sad about this. Because instead of remembering what I lost, I was/am celebrating life. I was/am celebrating Shalie & Avery. I was/am celebrating all the things that God has intended me to celebrate. I was thanking my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for all that I have been blessed with. 

So when tomorrow comes, will I be sad? Yes, but I will also remember all the things that I need to celebrate. Watching Avery take her first breath of life changed things for me. I will never ever forget my Tia, but I believe my broken heart has finally healed. 

"An angel in the Book of Life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as she closed the book... Too beautiful for Earth." Unknown

Pre-eclampsia was most likely the culprit in my placenta abrution, which ultimately caused Tia's death. You can find out more and visit the organization here.

Also, if you have suffered a loss and would like some wonderful women to talk to you can visit thebump.com community boards. They have some great loss boards and wonderful women willing to support one another.